


Don't Tell Me if I'm Dying

by leenaelizabeth



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: AU, Danger, First Kiss, Kidnapping, M/M, Major Violence, Pining, Torture, Violence, pre-trk, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leenaelizabeth/pseuds/leenaelizabeth
Summary: Sometimes, only the worst thing can make you realise your true feelings.(OR, something happens to Adam to make Ronan realise that he actually loves him. Like,a lot)





	1. Pity Party

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this fic is set before TRK, but doesn't follow really anything from the books. They are still searching for Glendower, I guess. Enjoy!

By the time Adam got to Monmouth manufacturing, he was livid. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his face flushed red with rage. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight it hurt when he unclenched his hands. He knew the anger was uncalled for, maybe a bit over the top. But he couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop the red hot anger bubbling in him. He guessed he could thank his father for that, this uncontrollable rage.

He sat in his car for a couple moments, trying unsuccessfully to calm himself. Ronan meant no harm, and he probably should just appreciate it. He should accept the fact that Ronan pitied him, thought he was below him. This line of thought just made Adam angrier, so he squashed it before throwing the door of his shitty car open.

He stormed up the steps to the apartment, unsurprised when Gansey held it open. Gansey was watching him, a look Adam couldn’t decipher on his face. He had assumed it was Gansey at first, when he had gotten the letter, but he knew it wasn’t his style. Gansey wouldn’t go behind his back, he would flaunt his money right in front of him. Adam didn’t know what was worse, in the end.

“Adam-” Gansey started, then stopped when Adam shot him a glare. “He was helping you.”

“I didn’t ask for it.” Adam snarled, pushing past Gansey and into the apartment. He felt a pang of momentary guilt when Gansey’s back hit the door frame, and he let out a small pained sound. Adam almost stopped, almost apologised, before the anger came rushing towards him again. Was this what his father felt every time he beat Adam? Did he feel guilt? Did he feel anything?

Adam gritted his teeth before moving through the apartment, stepping over the mini-Henrietta and making his way towards Ronan’s room. He knew he was here, he could hear the music blasting from behind the closed door. Also, his car was in the driveway, which was a dead giveaway. Adam pounded on the door, staring angrily at the white paint.

The music stopped, and Adam could hear Ronan get up, the bed springs protesting against the movement. A few seconds later, the door opened and Ronan stood before him. He was basically naked, a pair of track-pants slung low on his hips. He watched Adam expectantly, like he knew what was coming. Cocky bastard.

“I don’t need your pity.” He growled, fishing out a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans and shoving it at Ronan’s bare chest. He ignored the stutter of his heart as he touched Ronan’s skin. Now was not the time.

Ronan unfolded the letter, reading it slowly. Adam knew he was doing it on purpose, stirring Adam up even more. Ronan loved a fight, especially with Adam. Fighting with Adam seemed to be his favourite activity, and Adam was more than happy to oblige.

“Seems like someone paid your school fees.” Was all Ronan said, “Congrats.” His voice was low, dangerous.

“Look, dickhead, I know it was you.” Adam drew in a breath, “I don’t need your fucking help.”

“Are you sure about that?” Ronan smirked slightly.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Adam spat. Ronan didn’t reply straight away, instead he turned and ventured deeper into his room. Adam followed his, his hands clenched into fists. Ronan leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

“You work three jobs and can’t afford to eat.” Ronan grinned, the action full of teeth, if Adam was in any other mood it would have scared him. “Riddle me this, Parrish, if you can’t afford a 50cent packet of noodles, what makes you think you can afford thousands of dollars worth of school fees?”

Adam glared at him, “I don’t need your help.” He repeated.

Ronan ignored him, “How much money do you have right now?” When Adam didn’t answer, Ronan pushed himself away from the wall and took a step closer. Adam took one back instinctively, and Ronan froze. A strange set of emotions flickered across his face before becoming expressionless once more. “You think I’m going to hit you? Do I remind you of him?” The words were barely above a whisper.

“Ro-”

“When people help others out, they’re usually grateful.” Ronan said, “Are you that fucked up that you can’t separate someone helping you to someone mocking you?”

“I don’t need your-”

“You don’t need my help, yes I heard you. So next time I’ll just let you starve yourself to death.”

Adam didn’t respond. The fight had gone out of him. He felt tired, exhausted really. He didn’t know the last time he ate. He didn’t know how Ronan knew he was struggling so much, he had tried to put on a good front, like he was surviving. Maybe he wasn’t as convincing as he thought.

“Why don’t you go see your parents? I’m sure they would have been more than happy to lend you the money.”

“Fuck you.” Adam said before he turned, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him.

He was frustrated, unable to fully understand his emotions. Gansey looked up as he passed, his mouth open like he was going to say something, but before he could Adam was out the door. He couldn’t handle anything more today, especially not from Gansey.

Adam wasn’t sure what he had expected from going to confront Ronan. An apology? Him withdrawing his money? Because Ronan was right. Adam didn’t have enough money to pay the Aglionby school fees, he barely had enough money to feed himself and keep his electricity on. Adam got into his car, pressing his palms to his eyes. He wouldn’t cry.

His body, however, didn’t care and tears spilled over anyway. He turned his car on, taking deep breaths as he pulled away from the apartment and made his way back towards St. Agnes church.

He knew the others would think he was pathetic. He should have thanked Ronan, not fought with him about it. Why couldn’t he just accept that Ronan wanted to help him? That’s what friends do.

Adam drove in silence, trying to focus on the road ahead of him. It was only a ten minute drive from Monmouth to his dingy apartment, but it felt like hours right now. Finally, he pulled up in the deserted parking lot. He sat in the car for a second before getting the energy to open the door, grunting in effort.

The parking lot was dark, the only light was a light post on the far end of the lot, illuminating the front of the church. Adam made his way towards his apartment when he heard footsteps behind him. 

He froze and went to turn around, but before he could something hit him on the side of his head. He went down, hitting the pavement hard and tried to scuttle away from whatever had hit him. His head pounded, and he could feel something wet dripping from his ear. Blood. Adam flipped to his back, and saw a dark figure standing over him. Black clothes with a black hood pulled over his face, the eyes and mouth cut out of it. Before Adam could yell, the man hit him again.

This time, the world went black.


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan realises something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)

When Ronan didn’t hear from Adam for a couple days after the fight, he wasn’t too worried. The kid could hold a grudge better than most people, as Ronan had learned quickly. So, he hadn’t worried, coming to the conclusion that Adam was hiding in his apartment sulking because Ronan paid his school fees.

Which was stupid, and it pissed Ronan off to no end. He had paid the money because he had enough to spare, and he had seen Adam’s bank statements. Not on purpose, but they had been sitting on the table when Ronan had come over one time, and he couldn’t help but take a peek. And it wasn’t good. Ronan wasn’t sure how the hell Adam was surviving, how he could live like he did. Was Aglionby worth it? Adam seemed to think so, but Ronan wasn’t too sure.

So, yes, he had paid the school fees for Adam but he hadn’t thought he would go psycho about it. Be a bit mad? Yes, of course, this was Adam. But he had taken it to new heights, and Ronan didn’t know what to think of Adam’s outburst. He didn’t regret anything he had said that night, not really, it needed to be done. He just wished Adam would stop ignoring him.

When Gansey walked in that night, Ronan was frowning at his phone. He had finally caved, messaging Adam a quick _hey dickhead, you alive?_. It had been over an hour with no response. Since buying himself a phone, Adam took it with him everywhere. It was unlike him to go without replying, Ronan had heard the constant _pinging_ of Blue’s phone when they talk. Maybe he was just really mad.

“Ronan Lynch, is that a phone I see in your hand?” Gansey asked, dumping his satchel onto his bed. “It’s a Christmas miracle.”

Ronan ignored him, throwing his phone across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor. Ronan couldn’t bring himself to retrieve it. “Shut the fuck up. Have you heard from Parrish?”

Gansey frowned and sat next to Ronan on the couch, staring at the wall. “No…” He trailed off before pulling out his own phone and furiously tapping on it. Ronan watched his fingers hitting the screen with mild curiosity. “I just messaged Blue.” He said after a couple seconds, turning back to Ronan. “Why did you do it?”

Ronan knew what he meant. “Because he couldn’t afford it without sacrificing his first born son to the Devil.”

Gansey snorted and opened his mouth to say something, but his phone went off. He looked down and frowned, “Blue hasn’t seen him, either. Has he been in class?” Ronan just stared at him and Gansey made a disapproving noise, “Of course you haven’t.” He sighed and pushed himself off the couch.

“Where are you going?” Ronan asked, watching as Gansey felt for something in his bag.

“Keys. Come on.” Gansey made a noise of triumph when he finally located the Pig’s keys and made his way towards the door. Ronan folllowed him without complaint.

\- - -

Adam hurt. He hurt everywhere, so much so he could barely breath. His head pounded, and he could feel crusted blood in his hair.

He didn’t know where he was, but he knew he wouldn’t. Why would someone kidnap him to take him somewhere he knew? It looked like a shed, tin walls and roof. Items were scattered around the shed, mostly tools and vehicle parts. He was sitting on a chair, his legs tied together with wire, his arms held above him and attached to a hook hanging from the ceiling. He couldn’t feel his arms, the blood had rushed out of them a long time ago.

He didn’t know how long he had been awake for, he didn’t know how long he had been _asleep_ for. Since waking up here, no one had come in. He felt like he had been here forever, but he knew in reality it was probably only a short while. A week at most. The fact that he came to this conclusion without freaking out scared him. Why wasn’t he scared? Was he already dead?

A door to his left screeched open, light flooding into the dim room. A figure blocked the doorway for a moment before he ducked into the shed, pulling the door shut behind him. Adam felt his heart beat rocket up, beating in his throat. The man was wearing all black, a beanie pulled down over his face. Eye and mouth holes had been cut out. Adam wondered if this was the same guy who had kidnapped him in the first place, or if this was a group. 

The man walked towards him, painfully slowly. Adam wanted to scream, wanted to fight and get out of here, but his body stayed still. It was like his body wasn’t responding to his brain. The man reached him, standing before him in a wide stance. A power move, Adam was sure.

“Do you know why you’re here?” The man asked. His voice was gruff and deep, unlike anything Adam had heard before. He was certain he had never met this man, and he was sure he had no idea why they wanted him.

“No.” Adam said, but the words came out as a whisper. His throat was dry and scratchy, and he had just now realised how thirsty he actually was. He tried to swallow with great difficulty.

“We want the Greywarren.” The man said, and Adam almost smiled. Of course. “Where is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Adam said. Something scrapped across metal and Adam looked at the man’s hand, which had picked up a wrench from a nearby table.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way, boy.” The man growled. When Adam didn’t answer the man grunted, “Good choice.” He said before hitting Adam in the face with the tool.

The world spun around him, his head pounding. He neck snapped to the side, and it was a struggle to straighten it. He was going to die. He was going to die, but he would never sell Ronan out. Ever.

“Have you changed your mind?” The man asked. When Adam, once again, didn’t answer the man shrugged. He put down the wrench, and Adam was momentarily relieved. Until the man withdrew a pocket knife from his back pocket and advanced towards him, a sick smile on his face.


	3. You Know Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realisation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day, hope you enjoy :)

Ronan couldn’t keep still on the drive to St. Agnes church. He knew the route by heart, he had driven to the church too many times to count. Usually he found the drive relaxing, mostly because he knew he would see Adam. This time, however, he was full of jittery energy. He could feel his heart beat in his throat, and he tried to push down the feeling that something was _wrong_. He was sure he was overreacting, and they they would get to Adam’s apartment and everything would be fine. He would be annoyed that they were taking him from studying, and would probably still be pissed at Ronan. He could live with that if he was okay.

Gansey was quiet the entire drive, and Ronan caught him chewing on his lip as he drove. Gansey was worried. Ronan didn’t know how to handle that. They drove in silence, Ronan staring out the window. Eventually, they pulled up to the St. Agnes parking lot.

The lot was deserted apart from Adam’s car, which immediately made Ronan feel better. Maybe he is home after all. Gansey parked the car a couple bays away from Adam’s and got out, staring out at the lot. Ronan glanced up at the apartment window, trying to see if he could spot movement inside the dark window.

“Ronan, wait.” Gansey said, and Ronan’s heart dropped. Gansey had made his way over to Adam’s car and was staring at the floor, his hand hovering over his throat.

“What? What is it?” Ronan tried to keep the panic from his voice as he all but ran to where Gansey was standing.

There was a pool of dried blood a couple feet away from the driver side of the car. Ronan stared at it, trying to keep his thoughts at bay. “Maybe it was here before.” Was all he said.

Gansey didn’t answer, turning to look up at the window of Adam’s apartment. Without speaking, he began to walk towards the front door of the church. Ronan followed him, trying not to look at the dried blood on the pavement. They made their way up the stairs and into the landing, where Gansey pounded on Adam’s door. No answer. He tried again, but still nothing.

“Fuck this.” Ronan hissed before kicking at the front door. It bucked under his heavy boots and caved inwards. Ronan made his way through the door and into Adam’s small apartment. It felt surreal to be here without Adam, it felt… _wrong_. “Have a look around.”

Gansey didn’t answer, yet again, but Ronan didn’t care. His mind was racing, trying to figure out what could have happened. Would someone want to hurt Adam? And why? After a couple moments of searching, and finding nothing, Ronan found Gansey sitting on the floor of Adam’s bathroom.

“He’s not here.” Gansey said simply, not looking at Ronan.

“We’ll find him.” Ronan said, but it felt like a lie. Ronan felt like his heart was caving in, like his stomach was sinking. It felt like a dream. Maybe Adam would walk in at this moment and be mad that they broke his door. Maybe he was locked up somewhere, or maybe he was dead. Ronan cast that thought out of his mind. He couldn’t think like that or he would go mad.

Gansey just nodded before pushing himself up and moving past Ronan. Ronan followed him back to the Pig, and they drove in silence back to Monmouth.

Blue was waiting there when they got home. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair crazier than usual. She had been crying. She didn’t say anything when they approached, just followed them into the apartment. The three of them sat in silence on the couch. Ronan didn’t know what to say. He had never been good with words, had never known what to say to make a situation better. This was no different.

It had only been five minutes, but it felt like an hour, when Blue spoke. “What’s that?” She pointed to the coffee table.

Ronan looked over, then froze. No. _No_. A watch sat on the coffee table, a yellow piece of paper sitting underneath it. Ronan instantly knew the watch was Adam’s. He had stared at Adam’s hands enough to know the watch off by heart. He heard Gansey suck in a deep breath.

Leaning over, Ronan picked up the paper with shaky hands. He quickly read through it, and swore. “What? What is it?” Gansey said, urgency in his voice.

“I...” Ronan trailed off, then began to read the note. “ _We have the boy. Bring us the Grey Warren or he will die. You have seven days_. Fuck. _Fuck_.”

The three of them were silent for a moment. “You’re the Grey Warren.” Noah said, appearing from nowhere. Ronan didn’t flinch, his mind too far gone to react to Noah’s sudden appearance. Blue, however, did jump, a small scream erupting from her lips. Noah smiled at her sadly.

“No shit.” Ronan growled. He crumpled up the piece of paper, throwing it against the wall. He stood up, his hands clenched at his side. He didn’t know what to do, how to react to what was happening. Adam was gone. They wanted to exchange him for Adam. He would do it too, and he planned to. He would find a way out, but he couldn’t let this happen to Adam. He had gone through enough.

Gansey stood up too, fetching the paper from across the room. “There is a meeting place.” He said softly, “The kissing lane on the hill.” The kissing lane was used for teenagers in cars, generally to make out or have sex. Ronan had never had the excuse to go there, but now he did.

Ronan nodded before turning, making his way towards his room. “Ronan?” Blue’s voice made his pause. “Don’t do anything stupid.” She said.

Ronan snorted, “Me? Never.” He left the lounge room and went to his room, a plan forming in his head on how to get Adam back.

\- - - 

Adam could hardly see. He could barely move, his body covered in cuts and bruises. They had beaten him relentlessly, but Adam had not given up Ronan. He would never.

He knew that he should, that it would save him. Adam knew it was a probability that he would die here, that he would die _soon_. No one would blame him if he spoke. But he kept his mouth shut. He wouldn’t do it.

This annoyed his captures to no end. Adam soon realised that there was four of them, three men and one female. They took it in turns to guard him, to torture him, to feed him and give him water. They didn’t want him dead, not yet. He still didn’t know who they were, why they wanted him. They wanted the Grey warren, sure, but so did many other people. Ronan was a sought after man.

Adam didn’t know how long he had been here for. It felt like forever. He couldn’t remember being free, being away from this shed and this pain. Maybe he would never be free. Maybe he deserved it, he didn’t know. He was delirious, hungry, tired. The captors had taken his hands from above his head a tied them behind him, a small gestures but one that Adam was grateful for. He had began to fear that he would permanently feel nothing in his hands, that they were useless. But slowly, the feeling was coming back to them.

To cope with his pain, Adam had named his captors. He didn’t know what else to do, and it was hard being inside his own head. He had no way to escape, he knew that. He had tried, once, and it went terribly. He didn’t even get out of his chair before they realised what he planned to do and punished him. It was during this punishment that he named them.

The woman was Laura. She spoke with a British accent, and held herself straight. She moved quietly and quickly, and she didn’t usually take part in the torture. She questioned him, tried to get into his mind. Sometimes, Adam wanted to give into her. He knew this was why she was here, and she must be good at her job. Highly regarded. She was beginning to become agitated at him when he doesn’t respond to her questions, and Adam decided that she doesn’t usually have trouble extracting what she needs.

There were three men, which Adam had named Lance, Ross and Quinton. Lance was the man who took him, he knew that now. He was a tall man, lanky but strong. He didn’t speak much, and watched as Adam was tortured. Adam decided that Lance was in control of this operation, and he wasn’t happy about how it was going. Of all the people, Lance was who he had the least contact with.

The second man was actually called Ross. Adam had overheard the man being addressed after the first day of torture. Ross liked pain, and was present every torture session. He liked to taunt Adam, to make him feel little and worthless. Ross knew things about Adam that only few people knew. Adam realised that they had been stalking him for quite a while, and that chilled him to the core.

Finally, Quinton was his main guard. He stood watch whenever Adam was alone. He didn’t speak to anyone, not even his fellow team members. Quinton scared Adam more than anyone else. He wasn’t entirely sure why.

Adam knew they would tire of him soon. He had given nothing away, why would they keep him around? He wondered if he was being held for ransom, and if so, who did they give the letter to? His parents wouldn’t care, and he assumed they would be happy to find out that someone was taking ‘care’ of him. Gansey? More likely. If they wanted the Grey Warren, they would go to Gansey.

He wondered how Ronan was taking it. His relationship with Ronan was… complicated, but it was something that Adam treasured. He hated how their last conversation was about something so trivial, so pathetic. Adam should have been grateful that Ronan cared enough to pay for his school fees. Now, something like school fees seemed so distant. He couldn’t bring himself to stress about money or school, something that had plagued him in everyday life. He was about to die, nothing else mattered.

Quinton was watching him, staring at him like he always did. His eyes unblinking, his body not moving. Adam could barely tell if he was breathing, but he had to be. Quinton was holding a gun, his finger on the trigger, like always. 

The door of the shed opened, and Adam closed his eyes. Maybe this time would be it. “Are we ready to talk yet?” It was Laura. She had pulled up a chair from somewhere and was sitting in front of him. Her hood was pulled over her face, but Adam could imagine her lips curling into a smile. When Adam didn’t answer, she made a _tsk_ noise. “Now, Adam, be polite. Tell us what we want to know.”

“I don’t know anything.” He ground out. His voice was raw, quiet. He sounded little, weak and Adam hated himself for it. But it was true. He was weak and he was scared, there was no way he was getting out of here alive.

“You and I both know that’s a lie.” Laura said, she sounded disappointed. “Who are you trying to save? That Gansey boy? Or maybe Ronan Lynch.” She said the name with so much venom Adam flinched. “I heard you were sweet on the boy.”

“You know nothing.”

“Ah, I hit a soft spot. Good.” She leaned in closer to him, and placed what Adam assumed to be a blade under his chin. She forced him to look at her, “You will talk, Adam Parrish. You will talk or you will die.” She took the blade away, but let the sharp edge cut into the soft skin of his chin as she did so.

She walked off without another word, leaving Adam alone with Quinton.


	4. Guilt

They stopped feeding him after a couple of days. Adam sat in the chair, unable to move and starving. He was weak, delirious. He felt like he wasn’t in control of his body, like this was just a dream. A fucked up dream, a nightmare, but a dream all the same. Adam wanted to wake up, to tell Ronan about it and laugh it off like it was nothing. But this wasn’t a dream, and Adam wasn’t waking up any time soon.

He wished that he had last seen his friends on better terms. He wished he hadn’t been so mad, hadn’t hated everything they stood for. He wished he hadn’t been envious about how Ronan could just throw his money away like that, for Adam. He wished he had thought he deserved it, that he had taken Ronan’s token of admiration and ran with it, thanked him and moved on with his life. Why was he so stubborn? Why did he not think he was worth helping?

Adam knew the answers to these questions. He had been brought up a burden. Asking for help was against the rules, he had to do it alone and suffer the consequences. He was alone in this cruel world, completely and utterly. He could trust no one but himself, his parents had made that crystal clear. The people who were meant to love you unconditionally, to be there for you always… Adam’s parents were not those people. They had never liked kids, had barely liked each other. And when Adam was born, he took the whole of it. Robert Parrish used to hit his wife, now he hit his son. Adam’s mother never stepped in, turned a blind eye when Robert was drunk and angry. Adam didn’t blame her, didn’t hate her for it. He understood. With Adam taking the beating, it meant she didn’t have to anymore. Adam wondered if he had starting hitting her again now that Adam had gone. A brief flush on guilt coursed through him but he shook it off.

He had no reason to feel guilty. He had gotten out of a situation that he should never have had to be in. Ronan got him out of that situation. Ronan was someone Adam could never figure out. When he thought he had, when he thought he had finally gotten through to Ronan Lynch, he would turn around and do something so completely out of character that it fit. Ronan Lynch was someone he would never be able to place, who would never be forced to fit into a mould. Maybe that was why Adam admired him, maybe that was why Adam couldn’t look away.

To say Adam had a crush on Ronan was fair. At first, Adam hadn’t realised what it was. He hadn’t realised that he stared at Ronan when he wasn’t paying attention, that he stood closer to Ronan than anyone else in the group. It was unintentional, something Adam hadn’t even realised he was doing until it hit him one day. Then he was made aware of his every move around Ronan, his every breath. Ronan’s actions meant something, too, but Adam had been to shallow to realise, too caught up in his own thoughts. 

Ronan gave Adam presents. Little things, things that would be missed if you weren’t looking closely. Paying for food here, driving him home in the rain, sleeping over on days that Adam could barely hold himself together. It was small touches on Adam’s arm, little smiles that were just for him. It was paying Adam’s school bills so he could eat, knowing that Adam would be mad at him. It was so little, yet so big that it took Adam’s breath away. Maybe Ronan liked Adam too, but maybe it was just Ronan being Ronan. Loving too fiercely, over-protective of his friends. He was sure he would do the same for Blue or Gansey or even Noah if they needed it, but Adam was sure there was something different about him. Or maybe Adam was just so desperate to be liked that he was seeing things, making things bigger in his head. Adam knew he would probably never find out, not with how things were going.

He didn’t know how long he had been in here for. Days, weeks, years. It felt like forever, and it was beginning to take its toll. He was weak, drifting in and out of consciousness. His wounds were not healing right, and he smelled. He wasn’t sure if it was his injuries or the fact he hadn’t showered and was covered in grime. Either way, the smell was enough to make Adam feel sick.

The guards made their rounds, and Adam was routinely questioned. By Laura, by Lance. It was the same questions, they seemed never ending. He was so far gone he would drift off through the sessions, waking up to a knife cutting his skin. His neck always hurt, and he couldn’t feel anything below his waist. Even if he did escape, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to walk.

A knife prick took Adam back to the present, which was Laura standing above him. She looked pissed, her eyes narrowed into slits. She was breathing hard, and Adam thought he should be scared. Worried, maybe. But there was no emotions left in him. He had cried his tears, he had let his terror out. Now, he was a shell of a human. All he had left was memories.

“Where is it?” Laura growled, “Tell me where it is!”

Adam made a non committal sound. He wasn’t sure if he could talk. His throat was parched and scratchy, and it hurt to swallow. He hadn’t had water in almost two days. He wondered if they had forgotten.

Laura let out a yell of anger, bringing the knife down in a swiping motion. Adam felt the blade slice the skin of his chest, felt his skin separate and blood begin to bubble. He let out a cry of pain, but it was barely above a whisper. Laura stuck a gloved finger into his wound, pressing down hard. Adam gasped in pain, his brain going blank. He was nothing but pain, the pain was never-ending. She wiped her finger across Adam’s face, the blood trickling down his cheek and into his eyes and mouth.

“You will tell us, or your friends will die.” She whispered, her mouth almost touching his ear. Adam wasn’t sure when she had gotten so close, could only focus on the pain. “You will tell us or I swear to god, I will gut you like a fish.” As a finishing statement, Laura punched Adam in the face. His head whipped to the side, his neck cracking with force. He stayed that way, looking to the left, as she left the room.

A single tear trickled down his cheek, mingling with the blood.

\- - - 

Ronan had stayed in his room the entire night. Gansey had hung around his door nervously, wringing his hands until Blue made a noise of annoyance and got up from the couch. She stalked towards him, banging on Ronan’s door once before pushing it open. Gansey had shot her a dirty look before glancing at Ronan.

He was in bed, his eyes closed. It looked like he was sleeping, but Gansey knew different. He was dreaming, probably trying to find a way to save Adam. Gansey didn’t know how to process what was happening, with Adam being gone. It didn’t feel real, and Gansey was in denial. He knew the other two were too, and it felt like Adam could just walk through the door at any moment. But that wouldn’t happen, because Adam was gone.

Blue was watching him, her head cocked to one side. Gansey shook his head and sighed, turning away from Ronan’s room and heading back to the lounge. He knew it wouldn’t be wise to wake Ronan up, who knew what he could bring back with him.

“Are you okay?” Gansey asked Blue when they sat down.

Blue was silent for a moment, picking at the purple varnish that covered her nails. “I know there was nothing we could have done to help him, to make this not happen, but… I can’t help but blame myself.”

“You didn’t do this.” Gansey said, watching her with a confused expression on his face.

“I know,” She sighed in annoyance, “I just wish I could do more, you know?”

Gansey did know, but he stayed silent. It was quiet for about ten minutes, the both of them staring at the wall. They were trying to figure out how to deal with this information, how to process this. Did they go to the police? Did they do this themselves? Gansey didn’t know, his mind blank.

Ronan emerged from his room, a gash on his forearm that hadn’t been there earlier. “I have a plan.”


	5. Prepare to Die... Bitch

“I feel like this is going to be terrible.” Gansey sighed, “Please tell me this is not going to kill anyone?”

Ronan snorted, “Can’t guarantee anything, Dick.”

Gansey opened his mouth to argue, but Blue cut him off by placing her hand on his arm. He looked down at the touch, surprised. “What are you thinking?” Blue asked.

Ronan hesitated for a moment, “We give them the Grey Warren.”

Immediately, denial sung across the room. Noah, who had not been sitting on the couch earlier, said, “Why would we do that?”

“Because otherwise they’ll kill Adam, and I have a way out.” Ronan sat on the couch, bringing his wrist up to his mouth, chewing on his wrist bands momentarily. He seemed to realise what he was doing, and quickly put his arm back onto his lap.

“What’s your plan?” Gansey asked, his face blank.

Ronan opened his mouth, his crazy plan spewing out into the open.

\- - - 

Adam was asleep when he felt a prick in his cheek. He jerked awake, his actions shoving the needle deeper into his skin. It hurt, a lot, but he forced himself to keep quiet. Making them aware of his pain did more bad than good.

Lance was standing beside him, pocketing the needle after he extracted it from Adam’s face. He walked in front of Adam, bending down so they were eye-level. “You’re in luck.” Lance smiled, “Your friends have answered.”

Adam didn’t know what that meant, but a flash of fear burst through him. What had they done? His face must have betrayed his horror, because Lance let out a small laugh. “They are bringing us the Grey Warren, boy. Finally, after all these years...”

Lance continued on, but Adam’s brain cut out. They were giving these people Ronan. How could they? They had to have another plan, an escape route. Adam knew that Gansey would never willingly give up Ronan, but he could have been persuaded. Ronan would have forced him to agree, the thought making Adam sad. Ronan would do anything for his friends, even if that meant death.

“Are you listening to me?” A slap in the face brought Adam back into the present, and he watched as Lance took a deep breath and a step away from him. He was beginning to feel weird, woozy. His head was spinning, and not in the way it had been for a while now. This was different… Adam realised that whatever had been in that needle probably wasn’t good. 

Lance snapped his fingers, “Move the boy.” He growled to someone behind him. Quinton stepped from the darkness, holding large bolt cutters. He made his way towards Adam, who struggled against his restraints slightly before he felt his limbs go numb. Another side effect of the drug, he assumed. Quinton moved around to the back of the chair, cutting the ties that held him. He fell forwards, sprawling onto the hard ground. Blood rushed through his limbs, making them painful.

Lance hauled him up, clamping a metal collar around his neck. The collar had spikes on the inside, which immediately cut into his skin. Adam tried to move his neck, but it made it worse. With every movement, the spikes went deeper into his throat. Lance attached a metal chain to the collar, and Adam had the thought that he was basically a dog on a leash.

Lance made a noise, a whistle that brought Ross and Laura into sight. Lance shoved Adam into Ross and Quinton, and they held him up, forcing him forward and towards the shed door. He was leaving? He realised that they would most likely be going to collect their prize. They Grey Warren was within their grasp, they were not going to let it get away.

When they emerged from the shed, it was night time. Adam was briefly surprised, though he wasn’t aware why. He had no idea how long he had been in the shed for, he hadn’t been able to keep track of if it was night or day. Adam was dragged towards a van that was idling outside the shed. Adam couldn’t feel his legs, couldn’t feel anything below the waist. His body felt tingly, like he had pins and needles _everywhere_. His head lolled to one side, and he didn’t have the strength to straighten it. The spikes cut further into the soft skin of his neck, and Adam could feel blood sliding onto his chest.

Before being shoved into the van, Adam was able to take a look at his surroundings. They were in a field, but it looked unused. The grass was long, almost up to knee height, and there were no crops, no animals. The shed sat by its lonesome, its metal rusted and decaying. Adam had no idea where they could be, he could find no distinguishing land marks. He was shoved into the back of the van, sending him sprawling onto the metal floor. Ross and Quinton climbed in after him, and Lance shut the back door.

The two men took a seat on the bench that had been installed in the back, chatting. They left Adam on the floor, letting him stare at their boots. Adam heard two doors slam shut and the van started up, the motor vibrating through Adam. A window must have connected the front from the back of the van, as Adam heard it slid open.

“Everything ready?” Laura asked.

“Yes ma’am.” Ross said, and Adam could hear the giddiness in his voice.

“Good.” Two gunshots fired in the tiny van, and both Ross and Quinton slumped forwards in their seats. Quinton fell onto the floor next to Adam, and Adam could see a single wound in his forehead. 

Adam’s breaths became quick, uneven. He was staring at Quinton’s blank eyes, unable to look away. He felt something hit his legs, and realised that Ross had fallen onto the floor also, his body covering Adam’s.

Laura let out a sigh, “Finally. Why couldn’t I have done that sooner?”

“Because, dear, patience.” Lance chucked, “The Grey Warren is finally ours.” Laura laughed, and Adam closed his eyes. He wished that this nightmare was over.

\- - - 

Gansey pulled the pig into the parking lot, his body jittery. He felt sick, unable to look at Blue or Ronan. Ronan was full of energy, his leg bouncing, his fingers tapping on the Pig’s leather seat.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Gansey asked for the hundredth time. He had parked the Pig so he was watching the only entry into the parking lot, so far it had remained quiet.

“Yes.” Was all Ronan said.

“You don’t have to-”

Ronan let out a roar, making Gansey and Blue jump. “I do! I do or Adam dies!” Ronan took in a ragged breath, “I have to or he dies.” This last bit was barely a whisper, and Gansey suspected that he was barely holding himself together. He glanced over at his friend to a see a tear leak from his eye and onto his cheek. A single tear, and then Ronan was back to his stoic self.

The car remained silent, the only noise was the radio playing softly in the background. Gansey wanted to turn it off, it felt wrong somehow, to have it going. “They should be here by now.” Gansey murmured, breaking the quiet.

“I don’t think they care.” Blue said softly. She placed her hand on Gansey’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

Gansey was about to respond when a black van rounded the corner, parking opposite the Pig. Instantly, everyone was alert. Ronan sat rigid, and Gansey didn’t know if he was breathing. Their plan wasn’t solid, he wasn’t even sure if it would work. But it was the only chance they had of getting Adam back alive. So they had to do it.

The doors of the van opened, and two people got out. A man and a woman. They were wearing all black; black sweater, black jeans, black boots, black gloves, black beanies pulled over their faces. They stood in front of the van, watching the Pig expectantly.

“Fuck this.” Ronan growled, throwing the door open and storming out. Gansey and Blue quickly followed, coming to a stop in front of the Pig’s hood. Ronan was standing motionless, just staring at the two people in front of him. Adam’s kidnappers, the people who hurt him. Gansey felt white hot rage burn through him.

“Where is the Grey Warren?” The man called across the car park.

“Where is he?” Ronan growled in return.

“Alive. For now.” The woman answered. “Now, children, please hand it over.” She held out her hand, like they were going to place something in it.

“Show him to us, then we will give it to you.” Gansey said. He hoped his voice didn’t sound as panicked as he thought it did.

The two looked at each other before shrugging. The man rounded the van, pulling open the back door. Immediately a body fell out, and Gansey felt like he he had been punched in the gut. Blue let out a small whimper, Ronan did not react. It took him a moment to realise that it wasn’t Adam’s dead body. This man was stockier, and was wearing the same outfit as the man and woman. They had killed one of their own. 

After a few moments, the man come towards the front of the van. He was dragging something behind him, a body. It was beaten and bloody, a thick metal collar around its neck. This was Adam. The thought was to horrifying that Gansey couldn’t help the strangled noise that erupted from him. Blue grasped onto his hand, her other at her mouth. Gansey didn’t even want to look at Ronan, to see how he was reacting to this. He couldn’t bare it.

“Is he alive?” Ronan growled, but Gansey could hear his voice falter.

The man kicked Adam’s body, making his head turn to face them. Adam blinked slowly, and Gansey could see his chest rise and fall. He was alive, barely. “See for yourselves.” He said. “Now, the Grey Warren?”

Ronan didn’t answer for a moment and Gansey glanced at him. His face was like stone, no emotion showing at all. But Gansey could tell he was hurting. Seeing Adam like this was killing him, it was killing all of them. Gansey wasn’t aware of just how close Ronan and Adam were, he didn’t know exactly what sort of relationship they had, but they had a bond. Something different than what he had Gansey had, something different than was he and Blue had. And Ronan thought he was going to lose it.

Ronan stepped forward, his hands clenched into fists. Blue let out a whimper, squeezing Gansey’s hand hard. Blue’s touch was the only thing keeping Gansey together right now, and without it he thought he might die. It was too much, this was all too much.

“You want the Grey Warren?” Ronan asked, taking another step towards the pair.

The woman rolled her eyes, “Are you slow, kid?”

Ronan gritted his teeth, “You want the Grey Warren?” He repeated.

“Yes, we want the Grey Warren.” The man said it slowly, taunting Ronan.

Ronan closed his eyes briefly, “Here I am.” He threw his arms open.

Silence and then the woman burst out laughing, “Right. Okay.”

Ronan grinned at her, then. It was not a smile, more of a showing of teeth. “Prepare to die, bitch.” He said before the parking lot erupted into flames.


	6. Don't be Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“How did you do it?” Adam asked after a moment. Ronan looked at him, confused, so Adam elaborated. “The dream monster.”_
> 
> _“I just asked really nicely.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really terrible at ending stories, so I apologise! Also, sorry for the wait for this last chapter. With christmas and new years, life has been pretty crazy lately. Anyway, enjoy!

Adam watched, unable to move a muscle, as the world went up in flames. The heat licked at his paralysed body, almost too uncomfortable to bear. Unable to move away, Adam endured it. His friends had a plan, they had to. He would be free soon. The thought made everything worth it, every cut and every bruise.

He was laying facing towards his friends, Lance and Laura standing directly beside him. He could see the scene clearly, and able to see both parties easily. He tried to move a finger, but his body wouldn’t cooperate with his mind. It took him a moment to admit that he would be no use to his friends in this fight, no matter how much he wished he could help.

The fire slowly extinguished itself, but a ring of flames surrounded the parking lot. It was controlled, Adam realised, by a creature that was crouched in front of Ronan. It looked like a dragon, but the size of a large dog. It stood on four legs, its barbed tail jerking from side to side. It’s slitted eyes were trained on Lance and Laura, smoke trailing out of its snout. It was a dream thing, but this time it wasn’t trying to kill Ronan. It was on his side. Adam made the mental note to ask Ronan how he had managed to get a creature this big out of his dream, it was an amazing feat.

“What is that?” Laura asked, her voice wavering. She had drawn her gun at some point, and it was trained directly at Ronan.

Ronan smiled, putting his hand on the creatures scaly head. “This is what you are looking for.” He said cryptically. Adam had the feeling he had been rehearsing this line.

“This is the Grey Warren?” Doubt filled Lance’s voice, “It was supposed to be a box.”

“I am the Grey Warren.” Ronan said, his grin widening. He flicked his wrist slightly, a movement that Adam would have missed if he wasn’t paying close attention. The creature let out a huff of breath and began circling around Ronan’s legs.

“What are you?” Laura hissed. Her hand was shaking, and she gritted her teeth as she tried to keep the gun steady.

“I already said.” Ronan said simply. He made another movement with his wrist, and that’s when Lance let out a gurgled scream.

The creature, which had been moving in circles around Ronan’s legs, had appeared behind Lance, its barbed tail slicing his throat. It had teleported, Adam realised, and couldn’t help but feel proud of Ronan’s creation.

Laura blindly shot at the creature, the gunshots echoing around the parking lot. Lance collapsed onto the floor, gunshot wounds littering his chest and head. In her panic, Laura had hit Lance multiple times. When she realised what she had done, she dropped her gun. She backed away, flinching as the flame circle licked at her skin. 

“Please...” She whispered, dropping to her knees. “Please don’t kill me.”

Ronan stepped towards her, bending down so he was eye level with her. “I won’t. But he will.” 

Laura had a look on confusion on her face for all of two seconds before a man materialised from the flames and put a knife through her back. Her eyes widened, her shock clear, as she slumped forwards.

Mr. Gray watched her fall, before glancing back up at Ronan. Everyone was silent for a few moments, before Mr. Gray spoke, “I think that went well.”

\- - - 

The words seemed to break Ronan out of whatever was holding him, and he took off towards Adam. The plan had worked. It had _worked_. He had been doubtful when Blue suggested using Mr. Gray, thinking maybe the hit man had retired and decided to live the life of a family man. But Mr. Gray was more than happy to help, and then it was up to Ronan to make everything else happen.

But it had _worked_!

Adam was still laying where the two had dropped him, laying on his side on the concrete. The closer he got to him, the worse he looked. Seeing it close up, Ronan wasn’t sure how Adam survived. 

He had wounds covering every part of his body, every inch of skin that Ronan could see was covered in a bruise or a cut. His eyes were swollen shut, yellow bruises staining his cheeks. He looked dead, he looked like he should be dead.

“Adam.” Ronan breathed when he reached him, touching Adam’s face gingerly. Adam didn’t move, didn’t respond to Ronan’s touch, but his eyes were open. He watched Ronan move, not saying a word. Ronan didn’t know what else to do except to touch him.

“Is he awake?” Blue asked, coming alongside Ronan and watching Adam with curious eyes. She looked sick, like looking at Adam made her want to vomit. He didn’t blame her, it made him feel the same. It made him glad that the pieces of shit that did this to him were dead.

“Yes, but I don’t think he can move.” Ronan carefully rolled Adam onto his back, slipping his hands under his body. He seemed bonier than he had before, lighter than Ronan had expected. He had assumed they would feed him poorly, but seeing the reality of it hurt. Adam was just skin and bones.

“Paralysis poison.” Mr. Gray came from behind the van, holding a needle. “So he couldn’t run.” Ronan didn’t think Adam could have run in his condition anyway, but he didn’t say anything.

“What do we do now?” Blue asked. Gansey had come up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. It was a comforting gesture, something that Ronan had begun to expect. The two had fallen on each other for support, and possibly more. Ronan was happy that Gansey was happy, even if it was with the midget.

“We take him to the hospital, I guess.” Ronan said, adjusting his grip on Adam and standing.

“You can handle the… bodies?” Gansey asked Mr. Gray, visibly uncomfortable with the words. Mr. Gray nodded, placed a hand on Gansey’s shoulder, and then walked towards his car.

Ronan watched as he opened the boot, a tarp covering the material inside. Clever, he had been prepared. “Let’s go.” He said, making his way towards the BMW. He pressed his mouth to Adam’s forehead, ignoring the nervous jitters that erupted into his stomach. 

Adam was home, and that was all that mattered.

\- - - 

Adam had passed out some point after being placed in Ronan’s BMW, but he wasn’t surprised when he woke up in a hospital bed.

It was dark, eerily quiet inside his room. It was a single room, not public, and Adam assumed that this was probably Gansey’s doing. He knew he would have no say about the money that would come from this visit, and honestly he didn’t have the mental capacity to argue with him about it. It was such a stupid thing to argue about, to ruin friendships about. In the end, Adam knew that they weren’t trying to flaunt their money on purpose. Both Gansey and Ronan probably think they are helping when they pay for stuff, and Adam had to be more understanding of that. They knew no other way.

He was alone, which didn’t surprise him either. Glancing around the room, he spotted a digital clock on the far wall. 1:23am. Sighing, Adam closed his eyes. He was sore all over, every part of him aching. He had bandages covering most of his body, multiple wires attached to him. Pain meds and fluids, he assumed. He didn’t know how long he would have to stay here, or if there were any internal injuries, but it didn’t bother him too much. He was safe, it was quiet. He could relax for the first time in who knows how long.

The door opened, and a figured shuffled in. Ronan grunted in surprise when Adam turned to look at him, his hands full of potato chip packets and candy bars. He visibly swallowed something, probably chocolate, and dumped the food onto a counter before making his way towards the bed.

“You’re awake.” Ronan said, like he couldn’t believe it. A small part of Adam understood that, he didn’t know how he had survived either. He should be dead.

“Hi.” The words were lame, but it was all Adam could think of. His voice cracked, his throat dry. Ronan grabbed a cup from the bedside table, filling it with water from the jug sitting next to it, and handed it to Adam. Adam gulped it down, the liquid tasting amazing as it soothed his throat.

They sat there in silence for a moment, just looking at each other. Adam didn’t know what to say, how to express his gratitude and his apologies. They had left on bad terms, but it was Ronan who saved him. Ronan had been the one to bring monsters out of his dreams.

“How did you do it?” Adam asked after a moment. Ronan looked at him, confused, so Adam elaborated. “The dream monster.”

“I just asked really nicely.” He said, making Adam snort. “No, serious. I just asked if I could have something to help save someone I really care about, and bam.” He shrugged, dropping his eyes towards his lap.

“Thank you.” Adam said softly. He tried to ignore how his heart jumped at Ronan’s words, how he felt like he was drowning sitting here so close to Ronan. He wanted to touch him, hold his hand, thank him forever. It hurt to have to sit in the bed, clenching his fists at his side.

“No problem.” Ronan said, scratching his head. He seemed uncomfortable with the thanks, but Adam didn’t care.

“So, Blue and Gansey, huh?” Adam said.

“Fuck, I know right.” Ronan snorted, “Who knew?”

Adam let out a chuckle, the first one in what felt like forever. Ronan’s face softened, and he leaned forward in his chair. “Stop me.” He said softly. Adam did not stop him, letting Ronan draw closer until their faces were inches apart. “Stop me.” He repeated.

“Don’t be stupid.” Adam whispered, before pressing his lips to Ronan’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you find any errors please feel free to let me know, as I proof read my own fics and I easily miss things.


End file.
